Atul k

the following poem was taken from Paulo Coelho’s blog.. but according to him he got it from the internet… so my thanks to both of them.. the person who wrote it and Paulo Coelho himself..

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them;
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back;
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm, for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something;
I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I’ve learned that no matter how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take it’s place.
I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re downhill are the ones to help you get back up.
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean that they don’t love you with all they have.
I’ve learned that maturity had more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I’ve learned that your family won’t always be there for you.
I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while.
I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will get hurt in the process.
I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe..

Dhoni the wonder boy
You have been torn asunder boy
Sachin the great
I think you know to bat
Rahul the wall
Why did fall
VVS the special
Now you too are flail
BCCI
BUSSINESS CLASS CHATTERS AND IDIOTS
And finally my nation
Bunch of 11+few
cant rule the nation’s mood
Bigger dramas all around
Barks of political hounds

PS: Cheer yourself up if in case you love cricket like i do though its awful to look at those 11FOOLS –Manish kumar

these lines are by my buddy from the school days Manish. the frustration with the performance of our cricket team over the recent tour starting from west Indies to the present tour of Australia is visible all over the country..
the recent hoopla of Sachin’s century has also died out due the pathetic show of our team. the preoccupation with cricket is so astonishing that each game is considered a matter of life and death. the discussion of the game over the dinner table to the nearby tea-stall is testimony of the fact that how passionate people are for this great game. this passion for the game has been milked by the BCCI to fill its coffer without any sign of disgust or discretion. the performance of the team has slided so much since the heroic triumph of the world cup has surprised one and all.. over and above the fans and fanatics’ prayer for the legendary Sachin Tendulkar.. well, they are asking the government to award him the Bharat Ratna for his great service to the nation for being the greatest batsman in India.(Bharat Ratna is India’s highest civilian award that can be awarded to anyone) there is no doubt that he is a great player but we need to ask this question.. does he really deserve to be a Bharat Ratna recipient .. Actually, he has been more than compensated for being a great player.. he earns tons of money from commercials and his fees from the BCCI. Apart from that he keeps on getting tax breaks for one reason or the other.. either for his ferrari or for his newly constructed bungalow… the primary question here is does a multimillionaire player like him deserve such tax breaks.. more, pertinent to ask is should he have asked for such treatments. I mean, its not only him, there are others also who get such treatment… this is not being fair to the common masses who struggle day and night to fill the government tax..

Among other things, what I’ve observed is that the image they’ve created for themselves is getting little tacky these days… once upon a time their image was created out of a genuine goodwill. but, now I suspect they employ professional PR managers to sustain their image over a longer period of time. they advice them what to say, where to go and what to do and also manages their larger than life personality…

Alas, these can’t be sustained forever… you’ve to perform at highest level to capture the imagination of the whole nation. you can’t sit on your laurels and keep counting your bucks forever. people as an individual may forgive you, but, the mob seldom forgives the sinner or the supposed sinner. there are options for you… most respectable ones.. either perform or take retirement while there is goodwill still in the hearts of the masses.. give the youngsters chance to play for the country… even if they loose now there is hope for the future… in your case, senior players there’s no hope.. you’re already old enough to be teachers for the future stars..

The BCCI should invest in the domestic cricket in a big way… I do not understand what they’d with those tons of unused money in their locker.. create a big bench strength to sustain the national team over longer period of time. the problem is because this organisation is a private enterprise. a consortium that runs the multi-billion dollar sports opportunity. they are not responsible to anyone… not even to the crazy fans who fill their coffers with their time and money.. there is no transparency in their conduct of the business of sport. the recent attempt to bring them under the government supervision or oversight was met with strong reaction from the ministers and politicians who hold simultaneous post with the BCCI and ICC and the GoI.

At present the future of Indian cricket looks bleak. the present youngsters are bunch who have not been counseled properly about crowd behaviour and the players code of conduct. Cricket is as much a mind game as its an entertainer. Moreover, performance counts not diatribe against the opponents. this series also saw young players like Ishant and Virat getting verbal with David Warner, the formers telling the later come to India you can’t play similarly as you are playing here… what sort of argument is this.. this is just like cutting a sorry figure in the face of defeat… and complaining like a small kid.. this kind of behaviour should be rejected with disdain.

now, what’s the way forward… I don’t want to give any quick fix. we all know and they also know what to do… the problem is the intention with the establishment called BCCI and of course the players… their attitude is the main problem. the attitude to the way they approach their game called cricket… played by 11 fools and watched by one billion fools including me…

the ancient Indian Guru Chanakya said the following thing about marriage.. that one should marry a virgin from a respectable family even if she suffering from deformity and one should desist from marrying a girl who is beautiful but not from a good family..

Now, this knowledge was imparted centuries ago.. if we interpret it properly in the current scenario with due precaution then what we get is as good as it was centuries ago.
First, I’d like to acknowledge that I’m not yet married and I’m going to do a commentary on the institution of marriage… some people might take it as an offense. But, I’d like to be reasonable throughout!

What constitutes a successful marriage? a smart husband and a dumb wife, or a dumb husband and a smart wife, or both dumb or both intelligent.. this was the topic of our debate this evening that appeared out of the blue in the ongoing stupid sundry gossips… well, it appeared when Ravi inquired from me when I was getting married and pat I gave the reply when I’m well settled in life.. then he asked the time frame and I said it may take at least 3 years.. At this point Girija said, he’ll have to elope with the girl to marry her.. at this I said, guys, what’s the need to marry in a hurry.. date a lot of girls and have fun and if you find someone who truly loves you then go for her… then, someone said, marriage should done in only in an appropriate age, i.e. 25-26 years of age.. and they are all approaching it.. hehe

Now,that was the background of the debate… and the thing that followed were rational, irrational, chauvinistic, family oriented and of course the sexual politics involved within the relationship of husband-wife, and the politics within the family of one-upmanship..

this brings me to the point of a successful marriage within the Indian tradition. My friends proposed that if the man is good enough or let’s say “man enough” (not physically but mentally) meaning thereby, if he is mentally strong then whatever the situation maybe… he’ll have a successful married life… I was in opposition to their contention I raised several points related to family life, the relationship of husband and wife, the relationship of the wife to the other members of the family, and the sexual politics involved sometimes to drive home the points raised by the wife to achieve their “goal”… whatever I tried to put forward for an amicable understanding that if the wife is not cooperative then whatever maybe the position of the man, whatever maybe his intelligence, courage, strength of mind.. the relationship is doomed to be a failure..

My argument against the wife is not against the “wife” or females per se but it stands on the contention that marriage as an institution is based on the equal partnership of both the male and female respectively. If anyone goes out of that equation then the said arrangement of marriage is over. Husband and Wife both are wheel of the chariot that cannot move in the opposite direction. they’ve to move in unison with confidence of each other in the same direction.. the family cannot be run day after day mired in conflict, quarrels and complaints…

(one of friends chided me that I’ll be the slave of my wife or puppet to the orders of my wife that’s why I’m taking in such a manner… I just replied, let’s be practical and talk some sensible things… I understand, he got hurt by my comment as I respect him for his forthrightness, at the same time I vehemently stand for my own beliefs and stand by my own opinions..)

A successful marriage can be said to between two individuals who can be partners, who can understand each-others needs, who can sacrifice up to a certain extent for the well being of the family. the role of both the sexes in a marriage is of utmost importance. none of the position is subservient to the other. they both have to respect each other and listen to each other.

within the Indian tradition, living with the parent is most important for the newly weds. so, to adjust to the family values of the new family is a challenge for the brides…In times of changing values and the social impact of the globalisation is immense in each and every home of the country. It is highly prudent to exercise caution and prevent the collapse of the marriage resulting in divorce due to reliance on the chauvinistic tendencies that still runs deep in the society. we are not living in a medieval time where the subjugation of the women was routine but we live in a modern age where the rules of the game are changing and have changed up to a certain extent, where women want an equal status, where they are not far behind the men in most cases.. and if they decide to differ on key family roles and practices and even unity of the family then God forbid, family life can turn out to be very bad experience indeed! In this context we should re-interpret Chanakya’s Quotation and with the changing time should give it an appropriate spin for smooth functioning of the family life.

those 5 mins. were heaven for me that you donated to me. you made me feel there could never be a better 5 mins. than those 5 mins. although, I didn’t say anything worthwhile and asked anything worthwhile. but, still those 5 mins were heaven for me. you created magic for me in those moments. the wait for you was everyday an infinite longing; with every breath I took, only you were on my mind. before going to sleep and after waking up… you were the first person to come in my thoughts. I never thought I could see you again..and when I saw you, I couldn’t believe that I was seeing you.. I stood spellbound for a minute or so. When you were talking to a friend on phone for almost 7-10 min., those 10 mins. were so tough for me, so harsh on me.. I can’t say in words. I was so anxious, I was so nervous, I was so excited. when you saw me and pointed towards me… that was heaven for me. Infact, you’re heaven for me, you’re peace for me… you’re everything to me!

yet, I know I may never meet you again! I may never see you again. I’m a little person who doesn’t deserve a sweet and beautiful person like you. BUT, still when I’m with you there is nothing better for me. I’m not a good talker, I can’t even tell properly what I feel for you. that is why I write.. and I write from the bottom of my heart!

you’re like a sweet dream for me. I know this can’t become true. BUT, I’m thankful to God and to you that I met you, that I had such an out of the world dream. such an experience! at first there was a sense of loss that I couldn’t be with you. But, I understood later- a dream is just a dream.. a sweet and beautiful dream is to be rejoiced and to be happy about. and I’m really happy and thankful to you.

I’ll always like you. I’ll always admire you and you’ll be valued by me always. I ‘ll really hope that you find a “Man” who loves, adores and values you more than me. I’ll indeed be very happy for you. your happiness is the only thing that matters to me.

the good wishes that you gave me will always be in my heart. and I’ll give my best to achieve my aim. I find myself more strong now and I WILL realise my dreams. thank you very much for being so kind to me ! As always I say there is no one in this whole world like you for me. your kindness and smile will always remain in my heart!

your’s always.

What’s the right thing to do?
I often wonder… what’s the right thing to do? there are no options as such but they are related to me are very close to my heart..
should I make a career out of my stupid life or should I follow the woman of dreams to come into my life…because she makes me feel the way nobody has done to me in my entire little life. should I follow the dream of my heart to be what I want to be or should I take up any other job that comes up my way to a little money that I desperately need to fulfill some of the promises that I made and to give back some things to peoples that they expect from me.

there were some conditions that led me here in the first place! with no one to guide me, at the least I made it till here. But, these two-three years are going to be significant. there many constraints and the time is also very important. I want to move ahead, I want to progress but there are so many things that seem so important to me at the same time that I’m getting confused now a days a lot!

these are not easy choices to make as what should be the right thing to do…

why does it pain so much when you love some one and they do not reciprocate…? why can’t one let it go even if it is plain logical to do so..? why the lover and the loved do so..? why one is painfully in love and why the other plays victim..? why there is no decency in emotional affairs? Is it just a biological process that we are attracted to some one? or just a psychological dimension of our self..? Is there no spiritual dimension to love… why some one is madly in love while the other is just mad at the admirer..? but, why our pain only tells us how truly we love some one? why is it so that pain can only purify our soul..?

time heals… lets see.. but the scars are left on the soul… we all reach our creator one day….. someday I may understand all the business of love and selflessness when I meet my God one day..

She loves in silence…
her sealed lips of love and closed doors of hearts,
her little smiles and deep hazel eyes..

Is she afraid of love…?
to get love and beget love,
she closed her hazel eyes, and looked away,
with sunken heart and stormy feelings.

Loving in silence, hating in silence,
sleeping with the enemy within…
anything but silence… love chained hate..

there she goes, my love, there she goes…
with a sweet little enigmatic smile on her lips,
she loves me in silence… and there she goes…

What should I call this life… for it is lifeless, emotionless, loveless without you, my darling! I just have to go on living practically without life, because my dying will break some more heats, so, I can’t die… And it doesn’t matter whether I live or die anymore for my life is nothing without you!

A loving thought for an extraordinary girl – “I miss you”!

It can’t be love that kills me bit by bit every single day..

Why my love for you is such an undervalued thing… why you are everything for me and I’m nothing for you… why love has to be so hard on true people… why bad people have all the fun…?

hi sweetheart!!

its been quite sometime that I wrote to you… Why do I feel so restless until I talk to you… Why am I emotionally so dependent on you?

new Delhi has turned like an oven… its so hot here.. temperature is around 44 deg celcius… how is it over there? I’m sure it is much better over there!!!

I wanted to pour my heart to you because I so badly need your support but since you simply turn your face away from me… I took one deep breath and prayed to God to give me strength to hold my restlessness for one more day…

I hope you are having a grt time at home… If you happen to notice it somehow, n feel to say anything..good or bad.. you are welcome… I’ll always wait for you….

truly your’s

Atul

In the beginning of this month I had been to my hometown. the return journey was quite eventful. without judging If my conduct was good or bad I present you the stories.
these are election time in Bihar. the local panchayat elections are going on in full swing. So, there was a crunch situation with regards to Buses to go to Patna.
the journey from Sitamarhi to Muzaffarpur went without a hitch. the onwards journey to Patna was eventful in more than one way.
there was a visible scarcity of Buses in the Bus Stand. I got into one which was full from the very beginning. but, anyway I went to the very last sensing I may get an odd seat there. I saw a boy sitting at one of the 2/2 seats and a bag placed besides him on the other seat. I asked him, Is it your bag? he replied, No! next he told me to remove the bag and take that seat but I didn’t do a thing. the boy who looked rugged and young and of course he was a simpleton, wasted no time in removing the bag and keeping it at the last row. he went on to occupy the window seat and offered me his seat which I happily accepted.
In the meantime, a large number of working folks poured inside the bus and they occupied the last row after removing that baggage. the owner of the bag was no where to be seen. But, when the bus started for the journey another young man came in and came near our seat and demanded to know where his bag was. I didn’t say a word and waited for him to speak. He said it was on the last row. Obviously, he was not impressed. he said he had kept his bag at the window seat at which you are seating. And he demanded that he vacate the seat. but, that guy also didn’t want to loose that seat. so he didn’t buzz an inch. when the demand was persistent the sitting guy replied that the bus conductor offered him his seat. the guy with the bag was sizzling in rage…and uttered bho***K, and went to the conductor. In the mean time the guy sitting next to me was anxious about his seat which he sensed maybe taken away anytime now. I was sitting tight without any expression on my face or otherwise. he may have thought I should give his seat back to him in case he is asked to vacate. I didn’t show any interest in that situation now, n was pretty relaxed in “MY OWN SEAT”.
On the other hand the conductor flatly denied he had anything to with the situation. the guy came back to our seat in a rage of fury and asked that fellow to vacate. So, he had to comply this time around. he looked at me but I didn’t show any emotion or sympathy. I do not know why but that’s what happened… and that simpleton had to travel the whole way without a seat.

SECOND THING

as the bus was jam packed due to the prevailing situation of the scarcity of the buses. Many people were standing in the aisle of the bus. by now we were cruising at an average velocity of nearly 80 or 100 km/h. we were lazing around some were sleeping… but, a large thud was heard and everything went silent, yet the bus was simply running the same way… as I regained consciousness I saw a middle aged man lying on the aisle. I asked what happened, some one told me its “mirgi” in our local lingo (its epilepsy though) and again I asked everyone who was with him. I came to know nobody was with him… HE WAS ALONE THERE JUST LIKE ME…
Someone told me its dangerous if that guy didn’t regain consciousness soon enough he’ll die within 10 to 15 mins.
some one asked for help but nobody cared. I was moved to see that guy and thought how can I let someone die  when that situation could be avereted with just a little care. I cried at the top my voice to stop the bus many times. It had an immediate impact and the conductor rushed at the back of the sitting area. we told him about that guy lying unconscious. the bus stopped and everyone was in attention. SO, somebody who knew how to bring him back to his consciousness sprung into action. He asked for shoe shocks to make him inhale its stale air and he regained consciousness but he resisted and wanted to standup in a fit but people stopped him anyway and forcibly made him sit. at last that guy was in control and we could take a sigh of relief. it was an incredible scene.. that guy was drenched in a pool of sweat from head to toe….

finally, the Bus moved forward…